Losing a job is a major life event. As difficult as this is for the individual getting laid off, the news of a downsizing can be equally devastating to the life partner.

After all, his fate is directly tied to that of the job seeker and yet he has no control over how or when his partner will find employment.

As the spouse of the job seeker, you may feel a desire to micromanage the situation. It is possible that you have a lot of suggestions about how the search should be conducted and what your partner needs to do.

Unless you have successfully applied your own advice, I encourage you to hold your tongue. Don’t nag your newly unemployed partner or constantly offer helpful advice, because this often only exacerbates an already challenging situation.

Years ago, the husband of one of my clients offered his advice for how his wife should market her skills. They included standing on the freeway exit wearing a sandwich board that highlighted her cake decorating and word processing skills. His advice did nothing to bolster his wife’s self esteem and in fact, undermined her self- confidence.

Here are some suggestions for helping your partner exit the unemployment line with a job and her self esteem intact.

Be a cheerleader. The typical job seeker is already struggling with self-esteem issues and grappling with “Why me?” and “Why now?” questions. Be compassionate. If you haven’t already experienced the hard facts of a layoff, it is very likely that you will at some point in the future.

Help the job seeker remember her qualifications and expertise. Reaffirm her value as a person. She is much, much more than just an “operations supervisor.”

In the current economy employers, are cutting deep. They are not simply getting rid of the dead wood; those folks were gone with the first slice of the knife; now valuable, longtime contributors are getting the ax.

Listen without judgment. Yes, it is hard to hold your tongue when it feels like your life hangs in the balance, but believe me, your job-seeking spouse is already battling the worst possible critic, the one inside her head. She doesn’t need you to add to the cacophony.

Getting laid off is like getting kicked in the stomach; it knocks the wind out of you and hits you in your most vulnerable spot. Do what you can to ease the pain and help your partner get back on her feet.

Open doors. Are there people in your network who could help the job seeker make important connections? During a job search, every contact counts because it can lead to another. One woman arranged a couple of informal dinner parties with friends and co-workers to give her husband a chance to connect in a casual atmosphere.

It is not who you know, but who your friends and colleagues know that can mean the difference between hearing about an ideal opening before it is on the market and missing out on a great “hidden” opportunity. Make it easy for the job seeker in your life to build her network.

Expect the best. A layoff often feels like the end of the world; surprisingly it can be the beginning of something wonderful. Expect that your job hunting spouse will give it her best every day, expect the best outcomes and seek out the best people and opportunities. Help her turn bad luck into good fortune. That is what the winners do.

Take the weekend off. Give your spouse permission to let go of the job search on the weekend. Everyone deserves to take the weekend off. We all need time to re-create ourselves, and never more so than when dealing with the inevitable disappointments inherent in a job search.

Offering support, appreciation and encouragement can have a huge impact on the success of your loved one’s job search. While you can’t get the job for your spouse, your attitude can make it easier for her to make one more networking call, follow up on one more job lead and land the job that makes it all worthwhile.